You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
