Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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