Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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