i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
