Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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