mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
