i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
MIDGETS
????
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
