I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
