I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
