i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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