Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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