Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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