Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
