im drinking this country out of the recession.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
