why didn't you poke me back
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
