Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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