look no pants
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
