We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
