do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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