Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
