we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
