You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
