HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
