I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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