i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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