Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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