Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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