are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
