Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
