Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
