You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
