I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
