I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
