No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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