I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
