Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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