saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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