I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You pole danced in your parka.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
