Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
