Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
