i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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