then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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