Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
