Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
