He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
