Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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