i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
