im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
