my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i barfeds in our rink
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
