just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
