I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
