Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
