very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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