He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Two words: blizzard sex
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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