margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
