i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
