Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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