Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
