My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
