That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
